After so many years, the scars are still there
It is pretty amazing that some "scars" will always stay..even after so long... Tt's my "not very dark secrets" but not alot of ppl know is that i hated my sec sch days.. Though i do have wonderful girlfrens (Yes i do, juz tt i dun hang out with them THAT often) fr sec sch till now, i seriously dun have nice memories of those long forgotten days. It's also probably the only time that i hang out and talk to most of the girls in a gathering than to the guys.. hahahaha. I used to be UGLY.. and i seriously meant FUGLY in fact. Pimples, glasses, braces.. yes i had them all. I was always tease, always bullied and we cant blame guys at that age becos they are well... CHILDISH. hahahah but you expect them to grow up after all these years.. and POOF! 10 years passed. And did they changed? I guess some did, and some din...
I was never in the "top catergory" in zhss, im not pretty (although i got pretty gfs and in the popular clique), im not rich(and i actually thinks that my family is above average alr compare to ppl i noe), im not smart (mind you most of them went to JCs then local uni or private ones). Im just OUT of range. BUt hey i can get into a JC, im muz clarify.. i juz din bother to apply cos i noe it doesnt suit me. And i am a deg grad now, aint i? So most ppl want to make it big, the ppl i noe fr zhss are idealist i supposed. Make lotsa money, drive big cars, own country club memberships, got pretty gfs.. the likes of life. Cool.. if you got the ability. but i belive we shall all work within our means, and not belittle others who probably like myself cant make it big, but we work hard for our living. Anything wrong with that? I am so surprise when Bren asked me laz nite why i am doing "sai kang" in SMU..and wat's my pay like. My pay is in fact no secret to many many of my frens. But i feel like im earning so little and the inferior complexity seap in and i kept my mouth shut.
Anyway, its supposed to be confidential im not obliged to say anything! BUt it's his tone lah. bloody hell. Like i say, all these years, even when there are times i feel that my life is perfect- i got a loving family, a wonderful bf of 6 yrs, frens tat love me for who i am, a job (which means i got stable income) and WHY the hell does the inferior feeling seaped in so deeep within me whenever i see them. Its like a scar that can never be remove..never. Even when im pretty sure i look MUCH better (with contact lens, straighten teeth and blemish free complexion),i dun expect and wan them to say im prettier than before. i guess i wan respect. respect for who i am. Its wierd, they are the only ppl and with such gatherings are the only times i feel so unloved. PPl always tell me how lucky i am, everyone i go, ppl dotes on me and love me for who i really am. My poly frens, uni frens, ex colleagues....I wont say im a wonderful person, but i am a great fren to many.
I just want to say, i wanna stay proud of myself, no matter if im not as smart, as rich, as pretty. But i do have smarter, richer, prettier, more handsome frens in my social circle that surpassed them and it makes me feel good. Hhahaha!!! i thank all the other ppl in my life that makes me feel more worthwhile, there r so many of u.. u noe who u r, although the scars are still there after a decade.. Thank u. =)
I was never in the "top catergory" in zhss, im not pretty (although i got pretty gfs and in the popular clique), im not rich(and i actually thinks that my family is above average alr compare to ppl i noe), im not smart (mind you most of them went to JCs then local uni or private ones). Im just OUT of range. BUt hey i can get into a JC, im muz clarify.. i juz din bother to apply cos i noe it doesnt suit me. And i am a deg grad now, aint i? So most ppl want to make it big, the ppl i noe fr zhss are idealist i supposed. Make lotsa money, drive big cars, own country club memberships, got pretty gfs.. the likes of life. Cool.. if you got the ability. but i belive we shall all work within our means, and not belittle others who probably like myself cant make it big, but we work hard for our living. Anything wrong with that? I am so surprise when Bren asked me laz nite why i am doing "sai kang" in SMU..and wat's my pay like. My pay is in fact no secret to many many of my frens. But i feel like im earning so little and the inferior complexity seap in and i kept my mouth shut.
Anyway, its supposed to be confidential im not obliged to say anything! BUt it's his tone lah. bloody hell. Like i say, all these years, even when there are times i feel that my life is perfect- i got a loving family, a wonderful bf of 6 yrs, frens tat love me for who i am, a job (which means i got stable income) and WHY the hell does the inferior feeling seaped in so deeep within me whenever i see them. Its like a scar that can never be remove..never. Even when im pretty sure i look MUCH better (with contact lens, straighten teeth and blemish free complexion),i dun expect and wan them to say im prettier than before. i guess i wan respect. respect for who i am. Its wierd, they are the only ppl and with such gatherings are the only times i feel so unloved. PPl always tell me how lucky i am, everyone i go, ppl dotes on me and love me for who i really am. My poly frens, uni frens, ex colleagues....I wont say im a wonderful person, but i am a great fren to many.
I just want to say, i wanna stay proud of myself, no matter if im not as smart, as rich, as pretty. But i do have smarter, richer, prettier, more handsome frens in my social circle that surpassed them and it makes me feel good. Hhahaha!!! i thank all the other ppl in my life that makes me feel more worthwhile, there r so many of u.. u noe who u r, although the scars are still there after a decade.. Thank u. =)
