心理不平衡

今天又交了一份作业。在两天半的时间内做好它。最近心情烦躁，睡眠不足，功课压力大。这些都让我差一点喘不过气。我累了。人生太多不平衡了。平常心，我没有，也做不到。想把自己的一切做得更好，不过我又失败了。生活的平衡，我始终找不到。

我很喜欢佩芬的节目：简单就是美。今天她在节目说了类似这样的一句话：“我们常常批评人生的不完美，却没有停下脚步反省一下自己。我们应该停下来，看看身边的人与事，了解了自己所要的是设么后，才继续往前走。”

有个人曾经也更我说过类似的话不过情景不一样。哈哈哈。那是一番要我死心的话。不过把那句话用另一个角度看的话，它是很有意义的。

"Do not run thru life so fast that u forget, not only where you have been but also where you r going. Life is not a race, but a journey to be savoured. Each step on the way, think twice n treasure it."

不是因为想那个人才想起这句话，是因为跟今天写的主题很贴切。况且，那个人也应该忘了他曾经讲过这句话吧。哈哈哈。

这几天觉得生命很累人。跟时间赛跑，跟自己的能力比赛。差一点就要精神分裂了。
人生是公平的吗？有得就有失吧。我要战胜的应该不是别人而是自己。要赢得自己，才能有勇气继续下去。

累了，头昏脑胀，一再的想放弃。咬紧牙根，继续往前走，为了前景和未来。
未来。 一个不是很遥远的世界。一个充满期待和梦想的地方。。不过，一切会如当初想象的一样吗？未知数。

累了，该做梦了。

SM finally over

Finally handed in the stupid Sm assignment on wed.........my dark eye rings are all becos it...

i have to much things to say but prep talk aft prep talk, i guess is still ultimately my prob and is up to myself to solve it.

Happy stuffs next, the office peeps juz fly off to Bkk tis evening. Tml will be temp's heaven! hhhahahz..slack slack slack. i hope janet dun leave too much things for me to do in the office tml . hahhaz. Hope they buy back alot of stuffs for me hahahahz cos i have been reminding them to buy me things since early in the wk!!!!! hahahhaz hope i wish i could go along duh.......

Anyway, i need to replenish my slp.....nitez.

STRESSED!~

STRESSED!!~ i noe i scream and shout. i flare up my temper and i cried....

Feeling the whole is unfair and why am i squeezing my barely there intelligence and killing all my brain cells to do a stupid 4000 words assignment for my Strategic Managment module on a case study on GE! duh.....

WHo says studying is easy........grrrrrrrrrr..........

So stressed that i dun enuf time, so stressed that i still gotta work though i still luv my work, so stresssed that i might not even be correct in my analysis of the case study.... but lucky with the help of frens (ting, yuling, and ah hong), we "fight" tgt......

Beneath everything that i felt so extremely unhappy about and the so call "imbalance" and negative stuffs running thru my head, feeling the world is unfair and im unlove with low intelligence..........boils down to my attitude, according to my boo boo who noes me so well.....

Yup, i gotta admit it but i juz dun like to. It's the ego. plain and simple. I dun like to study, simply said, i dun put much effort in studying activities such as studying for exams, doing assignments etc. I rather work, shop, club, slp or watch drama. Basically i work more than i study. But im not stupid, i make sure i pass or score a credit. But damn my ego for being big, that i cant stand to lose or feel stupid for my insignificant grades. But tt doesnt apply for all modules. I noe my limits and my standard, so i gauge my grades. Still, it feels kinda demoralising when u realised u r juz not as smart, (nevermind the fact that i dun study much...yes i noe is the attitude....grr.).

And if i noe u put in alot of effort in doing ur work, even if u win , i respect u, cos u deserved it!!! Pat on the back for both yuling and yanting who score stars for consistency of hardwork. But i dislike ppl who hides their effort and compare their grades or perf. Damn! Didnt i mention a million times that i din do extremely well!~!~ Compare openly lah. duh cos i DUN LIE. Doesnt mean that im proud of my grades that are lower than others. But i understand how much effort and intelligence translate to the final grading. So i guess i have been doing ok for my kind of standard. Whahahhahz........................ but not good enuf to compare wif others.

Duh. Nevermind my rambling... Juz some thoughts fr the past wk due to the intense stress im experiencing, i think the wires in my brain are tangled.........

okie gotta slp....cos as usual, mon is a working day. same as wed.. and yes.. fri...

my assignments are killing me!~

My assignments are killing me! It's terrible.. extremely terrible.. i rather work OT every single day than complete the Strategic Mgt (SM) assignment simply becos i have no idea what im typing! Grrrrrrrrr............ Dun even have the time to watch "300" wif my dear boo boo.. but he watched wif his camp mate already. I wanna be a spartan!!!! Strong & mighty! hhahahaz.. My boo boo da bez cos even if im too busy, too nua, too broke to go out. He comes over to accompany me. hahaz but u noe wat he does.. he practices his mahjong skills wif my sis's bf and my parents! hhahahz But of cos we manage to watch vcd "Just my luck" by linsay lohan. *smilez* maucks boo boo!


I tink i really have to make sure i dun slp so much tonite. (well, wat do u tink?) grr. Gotta complete more of my stupid assignment!!!! EG assignment not done yet also. Im so dead tis sem.. im like very dead every sem... my goodness.. Too much fun already. ahhahaz speaking of fun, I "crashed" someone's bday party laz fri! hhahha. Cos got food ma..."dino" is always IN for free food... heez. One of kors canididate celebrating his bday, so kors bring me along. heezzzz. and guess wat, i even saw Sophia there!!!! So "qiao" , she is a fren of the bday boy!


Pics as below: (",)

With the bday 弟弟






















Representatives fr Events! keke.























THE “自恋兄妹”！！~






















Going back to my assignments. BYe!

我永远做不到你要的我

祸根是在很久很久以前栽种下来的。说错的人也只有是我吧。固执是我的本性。
我以为，一直以为，自己已经尽力了。可是我再一次错了。我很努力很努力的
摆脱一年多前的我。我认为我做到了。我努力的想做最好的自己，我以为我进
展的很不错。我很尽力的想做很乖的女儿，很能干的下属，很合作的工作伙伴，
很够义气的朋友，很体贴的女朋友。可是，我想我太抬举自己了。
说到底，我的本性还是没改。一样的火爆，一样的任性，一样的自以为是。

有一些人，一些东西，一些友情，我紧握着它们的线，希望有一天我会被承认
为很好的朋友，带给他们很不错的回忆和欢笑。不过，你会回想一下这样做到
底值不值得。慢慢的你就相通了，你不可能是每个人的最完美。如果做不到那
个人的完美，就可以把那条线剪断， 一点也不应该觉得可惜。有些朋友，很
遗憾的只可以是我们人生中的过客。不管你多么想要他或她留下，不该勉强
的就应该让它随缘吧。

我一直把你当作生命中的“应该"。。。 我想也没有人可以比的上你对我的好。
我很努力的想做你要的我，可是我的本性超越了我。抱歉和遗憾你大概也
听了无数次。对你来说也变得没有意义。愧疚。我真的以为我做的很好了。
可是我再一次错了。朋友又占了上风，把你比了下去。友情胜过爱情吗？
是本性吧。纳闷，我想把自己关在家里。不必挂个笑脸给人看，不必把
忧愁藏起来。我的错让我跟不能面对自己，因为太过了解是自己的错而
并非其他原因。别人都是无辜的。。。我是最该祸首。难过是因为我还
是做不到你要的我。

人还是平平凡凡的过的好吧，那也是一种幸福。