1 paper down..

1 paper down!! 3 more to go!!! so happy.. managed to "smoke" thru my 1st paper in SIM. whahahz n i could only say tt im a super lucky gal. *smilez*

Feeling less stressed already. cos my philosophy is always: once the exams starts.. it oso ends as fast as it started! hahhaz not long aft.. u would be hearing me cheering as the holis approach! keke.. Twinnie commented tt im NV REALLY stressed cos i always manage to smoke my way thru and cont to be num nua and bounce back to the cheery me very quickly.. heez. i guess its a gd thing ba.My Twinnie shld be at the airport now gg to thailand wif the army le.. Take care twin! buy some fake LV back for me.. duh.. i know he wont. *poutz*

Gotta slp early tonite cos working tml.. i sound very pia hor. keep working. act din work alot wat. not more than 1 day per wk leh. hmm money money.. for SHOPPING trip aft the exams ya!! *anticipating* (",)

Stressed??

I am stressed! but i dun look stressed! hahahahz tat's wat daddy and chong chong said when i met up wif them on sunday supposedly to study but despite the effort to do so.. we still din really achieve anything. duh. Maybe is my nature to stay cheery.. so when u see me, u probably cant see any sign of stress-ness.. even though im stress & i cant study i still slp and watch tv. IM THAT NUM-NUA lor.. duh. BUt i do cry in the middle of the nite.. or feeling so fed up why all those stuffs juz couldnt go into tis tiny brain of mine! Grrr.. irritating. *sigh* how i wish tt i could be so much smarter..

******

I miss my boo boo.. i noe it has been 2 mths... i noe i did alot of wrong doings.. i noe i had been foolish.. grrrrr... its a growing up process i keep telling myself. duh. He had been my pillar of support.. my security blanket.. a human version of my "bao bao".. and i din appreciate him at all laz time. Twice.. my gdness. im such a jerk. (though tis term is for a guy.duh).. Frens tell me not to be selfish. yupz. i noe. maybe im lonely, maybe i felt tt i need him cos he's always there for me laz time and how i wish he is here for me like NOW... Maybe im sick of being single already. enuf of the fun..maybe i miss the time when im innocent and surrounded by his love. I noe im the wrong doer.. the person who shld get all the blames. maybe if someone else haven come into my life, it would have been more peaceful. Guess im juz being wild and foolish here. i tink i dunno wat love is. maybe someone could teach me..

im being too stressed up in studying.. thus giving ways for memories to sip into my mind...
Aft exams, there are so many plans... i shall not say anymore until all r cfmed. Hai..

back to mugging.

....heal wounds?

I read a fren's blog.. she says..: time heals all wound..
I read a fren's msn nick...he says: time dun heal wound, it juz let u get used to the pain...

Wounds? Scars? Inflicted on others? Retribution.. will be on one self.

I guess im wierd... my wound open n close. sometimes it opens, sometimes it closes. Sometime i tink of how i hurt others.. sometime i tink of how others hurt me.. Im such a sadist. grrr. *nonchalent* Its gd to be ignorant. oblivious to the bad things in the surrounding/ environment. Dun u tink im rite? oh well,i dun care wat others think anymore.

****

My mum saw my bank balance fr the bank. When u nv update ur bank bk for a long long time, they act send a copy to u abt ur recent transaction. Anyway, there was a misunderstanding n we were toking abt wat happens if im like down to my laz penny. I said i would juz kill myself. Cos i simply cant stand myself being THAT broke. My mum says y cant i look for them if im really tt broke lah. Maybe is my EGO.. maybe im TOO ASHAMED to ask fr them.. i nv take extra money fr them for my spending. Unless its related to my education or sch trips..tt kind of sch related stuffs lah. Nv for leisure or personal expeneses except for my allowances + transportation laz time. Acting independent.. ya tat's me... even when im down to my laz penny. Im half way there liao. Im broke now. Nearly to my laz penny already. Waiting for my cheque to come in so tt i can survive for the next mth + my planned mysia trip. GOsh. Things werent tt bad laz time. grrr. Is not abt wat not to buy now. is how to survive! Gotta plan to work full time for the holis. or else im deadmeat.
****

i need to study. i need to study. i need to study. Gosh im so depressed. my goodness.

breakdown

breakdown.. distracted. confused. sleepy. irritated. acting nonchalent. hopeless. trying hard to be motivated. depression.

DUN ask me WHY or WAT happen or HOW am I..

COS im not gg to ans u..

i guess i need to be alone.. since im so empty inside already.. might as well. cont to be alone.

*juz ignore me*

stressed up!

im stressed!!! terribly stressed! i guess everyone noes... i juz cant seem to hide my emotions, cant i? i cant seem to study... i duno y.. im so so so distracted.. hai.. im getting worried.. its getting on my nerves. i guess i need the "fear" of failing and all the "gan cheong-ness" to act up -LIKE NOW! so i would get my butt off the bed n REALLY study.. gosh... im feeling really fearful now.. wat if i fail? NO! tat's nv gg to happen.. n nv happened before. Not now, not ever.period.
OK at least i know now tt im motivated by simply the FEAR.. ..Good.. for me its a gd sign.. a sign telling me tt I AM gg to study.. Not tt im not studying recently..juz not indepth i would say. hai.. Save me! Save me!

Thanks to all those who had shown concern for me..Really appreciate it!! Not to worry so much.. Im juz being alittle too stressed up and too emo for my own gd...Thinking too much of unnecessary stuffs... interupting my thoughts.. ~sigh~

Im always such an emotional person.. Tat's juz me...

Im pissed, stressed, irritated, emo, and all other mixed emotions.

Grrrr... exams dates are getting nearer and nearer and im still juz on the starting stage of studying. Not in a very good form yet. grr. and sudd there are a number of things tt trigger my emo-ness... dun i juz hate it when all the bad things comes tgt at once??? Waking up in a morn and feeling lousy.. gosh tis kind of feeling has been ard recently. Grrrr.. memories comes in and out. once in awhile interupting my thoughts. irritating person who send me stupid msges making me fuming mad.. and the emptiness and lonliness fr laz wk continues to tis wk.. Im in no state to study! OMG... tis is terrible! I want to find out who is tt stupid gal who is sending me stupid msges! gosh. *slap* her lor.im not interested in any other guys lah duh. grrr. Im detesting my single status now. in a super emo state. how i wish boo or someone else is here. grrr. emo. twinnie & kevin i need a HUG!!! sobz. a terrible state of mind... i need to study. i need to study. i need to study. All troubles pls leave me alone! im juz not interested! i only want gd grades, a loving guy, my huggies @ home, all my close frens and my family. Any other things dun come n pissed me off!

*pardon me for tis entry.. im juz in a terrible state of mind... feeling so fed up!*

hmm.. im so lazy to study..

Im so lazy to study.. have been working these few days. Work data entry for P&G for 2 days.. helping tis ang mo lady who is damn nice. Gave me a little gift when i leave.. hahahz so happy. keke. Den worked starhub rdshow today(fri) at harbour front so fun! haahahhaz abit slack lah. ahhahz. money money... but i seriously tink tt i shld REALLY start studying. n not like wat i have been doing for the past days.. tt is call reading thru my notes not studying them. duh. i noe i noe.. hai. BUCK UP JIAN NING!! stop dreaming! stop tinking abt money! i shld be more hardworking..hurr.. motivate me! ok lah i quite scare tt i would fare badly... grrrr...jia you to myself...

Lonely+ emptiness= EMO

Recently there is this constant nagging voice in my head reminding how lonely and empty i am inside.. i dunno wat had gotten into me... i tink is pms... grrr...or stress fr mugging... i din really studied actually..hai. so many notes, so many theories.OMG..Or becos of some restructuring tt is gg to happen at work..
Or it could be some other reasons that i dun want to face up wif. Im feeling lousy..grr. hate tis feeling. Loneliness is this feeling inside ur heart tt tells u tt u r walking this rd alone.. Emptiness is empty feeling in the heart where u wanted some warmth from somewhere else or fr someone to fill it up... EMO is a state where u feel both loneliness and emptiness in u.. okay tat's pretty sad.. not tt i dun have frens.. but well,... its my occasional emo-ness acting up again.. once again.. * ignore me*..

The only things tt is making me feel better rite now is sniffing my chou chou de bao bao n slp...how comforting... hai.. there r alot of things tt cant be changed by now. Well, tat's life i supposed.. forever a learning journey..

emo/ happy.

Went bishan to "shao mu" ..pray for my "ye ye".. den lunch at my uncle's place. Meet up wif geri and rick kor to ktv!! yeah!! continuous 2 days went kbox liao..though diff branch. keke. Today abit emo.. sing all the sad sad songs... seems like every song i can relate too. whahahz. ok im tinking abit too much here.. hai.. emptiness in me lah.. it happens once in a while. i'll get over it and carry on wif my life. hurr.. * ignore me*

ala carte cantonese buffet dinner.... pretty gd... im getting damn fat.... pls stop me fr eatting... PLS!!! hahahaz...

gotta start studying tml. damn time passed so quickly... grrr. *sniff bao bao*
another boring entry abt my boring life..

Happy!!

Fri- wala-ing wif vinod, lisa and kevin is so FUN!!! hahahhaz.. chicken wings at wala damn nice. yummy.. slurpz. Eating so much food tis wk.. damn fat now. rounded tummy!

Sat- Ktv-ing wif yanting..Movie & dinner wif boo. Fun! Enjoyable time wif both..
Boo.. Muz have confidence in urself!! Im sure u can make it!! Its a great chance and opportunity, so dun miss it.. since its fated that u gotten the big chance den u shld make gd use of it. i'll support u all the way!! Jia you!! heez...

* yawnz* slping soon.. another fun day ahead wif rick kor n geri tml. heez..

*happy & "bao bao" (touch my rounded tummy)

Feeling High- submitted my laz assignment of the sem!!
Laz lec for the sem too. woo-hoo.. ~~
Impromptu meet up wif Geri n rick kor kor..
shopping.. - lotsa cute little things.. + yummy sakae sushi buffet..(bao bao le- touch rounded tummy)
-- all sponsored by korkor!! wahhahaz thks kor!!

Sleep.. slack.. play..relax... enjoy for the next few days.

chomp chomp + twinnie=tml

HMT assignment2 Done!!

Finally printed out my HMT assignment 2.. i tink is the worst assignment i had done for the whole sem.. i slack n slack n slack.. n so easily distracted. i hope i pass for this assignment. hai...

Anyway, was watching "Campus Superstar" last eps on mon when all of the contestants were so upset becos the all contest is over. It reminds of the time during Orientation in poly yr 2, when im the S.C.. hahahz had so much fun laz time. Liangzhu Rulez!!! Days den were so carefree and happy.. n we managed to keep in contact for the whole of year 2 until year 3 when we get into diff specialization that is when we drifted apart..Frens like Lisa, Jess, Lyly, Vinod, Jem, Alex, NoNo are ppl whom i really get to noe better during that period of time. Rem the days of chalets.. east coast park.. bicycle rides, wild dog chase, bbq, chilling out at esplanade, dining at NYDC.. etc etc.. These memories bring a smile on my face..

********

~My Wishlist~

1. Fasio New Air-Tech Mascara
2. ZA True White Vitamin Powder
3. Wedges
4. Surfer Girl's Reel flash bag
5. Havanians or Birkies? Havavnians are cheaper leh. hahahz
6. J. Lo's Love at First Glow(nv try before but it seems nice. ahahhz)

I cant finish my HMT assignment 2!!!

Im so distracted!! Lydia's bday celebration on sat.. den Campus Superstar on sun... n in between includes all the naps i had haven taken.. oh man.. N i needed to complete an individual assignment with 3000 words count and 20 references!! im so dead.. shldnt slack so much.. i noe! i noe!!!! sigh.. im a lazy bum.. duh.. juz dun seem to be able to concentrate. i can lie on my bed tinking wat to type n the next min, i had fallen aslp!!! hahhahahaz. power...

was updating my friendster photos.. n i uploaded past clubbing pics.. tots run thru my mind.. i seems so happy n innocent n normal laz time and now a diff pic is painted whenever i tot of clubbing.. wat a change.. it meant something else for me, ironically.. glad tt i retained some self control now.. chilling out is better ya.. Wala anybody? keke...

Gotta get ready for sch.. tata.